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    7/9/2007

    The Death of a Beloved

    It's been a VERY bad day.  We had a death in our family today -- an unforeseen accident took the life of one of Elizabeth's Cockatiels, Pepper. 
     
    She came to us a year ago, given to us by a woman who didn't have time for her anymore.  A hateful, loner bird who attacked everyone that came too close, except for Elizabeth.  She loved her dearly, and Elizabeth could do just about anything to her.  She was recently moved back up to Elizabeth's bedroom --she had been in the basement with the other birds that I was raising and breeders (which I got rid of yesterday, donated to a sanctuary, because I am no longer capable of taking care of all of them).  So, happy as a lark, she was wandering around on the floor; Elizabeth didn't see her, and stepped on her, causing brain damage and internal bleeding, possibly a broken neck.  She died about 5 minutes later.
     
    And, Elizabeth is suffering a broken heart.  And, I am helpless to make this all better....she was dearly loved by my youngest.  And, as she cries, so do I.  So, tomorrow, we will have a funeral.  She wants to see if Pepper can be cremated, so that she can keep the ashes near her.  I told her that we'd find a picture and have it framed.  We told her that we'd get another bird, but Pepper was one of a kind....and therefore, irreplaceable.  I told her that God loved us so much, that even though animals don't have souls, our pets have a special place in Heaven, where they wait for us patiently and lovingly to join them.  I hope that I'm right.  So, say a little prayer for my baby girl tonight, that God will bring her comfort, and love, and peace; that she not be overcome with guilt, accepting that it was an accident, and not "murder", as she sees it now...
     
    I am so sorry, Little Bit.  Would it that I could take your pain away, take it upon myself....
    7/12/2005

    Birdie

    One of our Cockatiels, Birdie, got outside on July 4th & flew away...right to another human being, but of course, we didn't know that at the time.  (I had neglected to clip their wings in a while --it's ok--it's like trimming one's toenails--and so, she could fly.) 
     
    All I could think about when she was gone was how frightened she must be, because she's our docile little bird.  Such a good little girl, so warm...so..human.  She loves to perch on my shoulder and make little cooing noises while you rub her head and crest.  And...she'd never been out in the "wild" before.  How WOULD she cope?  What was she thinking.  Was she scared? Especially with fireworks & firecrackers going off--other birds, predatory birds and animals and cats...my heart sank to my feet, and I was indescribably worried and sad.  I called & called for her, but of course, she didn't come.  Would she make it through the night?  If we ran and ad with an attached reward, would we get her back?  We have 3 cockatiels, and she's my favorite, and by all accounts, I am hers. 
     
    My youngest daughter Elizabeth & I were screaming at each other.  Of course, I did the motherly thing and made her feel guilty for being so irresponsible.  She did the childish thing & ran to her dad for support and comfort...but, neither one of us could really be comforted...And then, I went outside to look again.  Perhaps she had flown back towards the house...(Isn't it funny how we project our human emotions onto other objects?  As if a bird can rationalize the way I'm describing--yet I KNOW that she must have experienced these thoughts and emotions in precisely the same way that I did.)  Low and behold, I noticed my oldest daughter across the street; there was a man holding a retriever-type dog, and Ashley was bending down towards the bushes.  When she emerged, there was a rumpled Birdie perched on her hand.  The angels couldn't have burst into song any louder than they found me whooping and hollering over that silly little bird, who loves me unconditionally, with her little birdie heart. 
     
    Of course, she basked in all the attention for the rest of that day, and was soggy and wet from all of the kisses Elizabeth placed all over her.  (And yes, I immediately clipped all 3 cockatiels' wings...)